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Sweet Sounds for Tired Eyes (Songs for My Father)

by Tom Campbell

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1.
"You tell me I'm into something. It doesn't look so good and my skin's turning purple instead of the gold it should. I thought I knew just how to finally get away from all the things they taught me about a better place. But that's a different story. When I was just a child, I knew just who I'd be. I'd get a job and some babies and wonder who was me. I never thought I'd have to wonder what's inside or the meaning of it all, when it's all for their lives. But that's a different story. You can't tell me what I've got on my mind, or read the future in my palms when their lines are disappearing from being too clean. But try to read them. Tell me what do they mean? Tell me I'll get something and I'll be feeling good. When my hands aren't so empty, I'll be just like I should. I'll go and pick some roses, maybe I'll try and pray, or let myself get lost in a beautiful mistake. But that's a different story."
2.
Silver Lake 03:06
"It's been months now since I've seen you. It's all the same. I play louder for our neighbors and their cocaine that they throw to their damaged ceilings to meet the rain and I hear them when they're asking for the refrain from wondering whose side to say. The ball fell into traffic either way. I sit still so these old ants can still play their game of catch in the vast fields of my large frame. I remember all the trophies and all the pain that we got for always claiming we weren't to blame. When wondering whose side to say, the ball fell into traffic either way. I pack up all my empty feelings and then my brain, in hopes that maybe, when the spring comes, they won't be feigned. When wondering whose side to say, the ball fell into traffic either way."
3.
"Those vacant dreams that hang inside my head, the moment that you lay me down to bed and you make me list the people I have known in a time when I couldn't stand to be alone. But, with no constraint on time in those places in my mind, I'll let myself get lost. You can't accept that I've been around before. You've labeled me your virgin and your whore and the gift you gave to show your love for me is tied too tight to sing, Calliope. But with no constraint on time in those places in my mind, I'll let myself get lost. Blaming me for things I haven't done, as if I were the only one. I sit in silence. Will you say, 'We'll learn to move on someday?' I let myself get lost. I let myself get lost."
4.
"Locked inside for days of snow, I see your brochure on our table for a place so warm, like in my dreams. Your bags are packed up tight. You say you'll leave tonight, if you can break the ice that keeps our windows frozen shut. You say, 'Please, meet me there.' I awake to smells of coffee. I guess you must have set our timer and a note that says you'll see me soon. But, with all this frost, I can't see if I've lost the chance to run outside and try to finally change your mind. You say, 'Please, meet me there.' The ice inside my lungs, like paying for something wrong, until I find your warmth and our hands are frozen cold. You say, 'Please, meet me there.'"
5.
"I thought you moved away for good to your favorite spot inside the woods to be friends with all the birds and fish, while I'm stuck inside a petri dish. So, don't come home. There's nothing left, but wasted words and makeup sex. Though you're a thousand miles away, I can still hear your voice when you say that you had such bigger plans for me, and the greatest thing I'd ever be. So, don't come home. There's nothing left, but wasted words and makeup sex. So, don't come home. There's nothing left, but wasted words and makeup sex."
6.
7.
"'No, darling, please don't go.' I said, 'I left you in my heart months ago.' I worry you won't come back to stay, so I wait in the shadows of the trees within our woods only to see you on the day when you'll fall to your knees at the place where we once stood. 'No, darling, please don't go.' I said, 'I left you in my heart months ago.' I built a fire, so you'd find your way home, but the snow just kept falling to the prints left by your feet and the empty steps made me feel even more alone 'til I heard your voice and I knew we'd finally meet. 'No, darling, please don't go.' I said, 'I left you in my heart months ago.'"
8.
"When I wake up, it's the same. The doctor doesn't know my name. I freeze. Wish I were in bed with you. But, you sleep straight on through it all. I close my eyes. I hug the wall to see if I could get away. But, no, I don't want someone new. I'll get lost in all your charms. I'll let you in 'til you're all mixed through, like the veins inside our arms with you. These window treatments never stop. I want your touch, but my arms just drop to your side (that place I'd like to lay when I wake up for my bed check with scratches running up my neck). With no change, they offer up applause. But, no, I don't want someone new. I'll get lost in all your charms. I'll let you in 'til you're all mixed through like the veins inside our arms with you."
9.
"But still, I thought I'd know I'm better off by far. A phone call to a girl whose far away: I wait to hear the lovely things she'll say. Instead, she chooses not to speak a word. I guess it's good enough. My voice was heard. You're gone. But still, I thought I'd know I'm better off by far. And every breath she gave was filled with lies I'll mourn until the day these tired eyes will rest from weary work. And I won't care 'cause she had someone else and you're not there. You're gone. But still, I thought I'd know I'm better off by far. I'm sorry. I don't know what I said. I'm sorry. I don't know what I did. But still, I thought I'd know I'm better off by far. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't know what I said. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't know what I did."
10.
"She tells me that she gets lost. She thinks of me daily, like that'd somehow change the way that she loves to break me. And the sad thing's that even in dreams, she always just lets me down. And I'd tell her my expectations, but she'd never be around. Will you tell me that it's alright, I shouldn't worry? 'Cause, no matter what happens, I'll know that you'll never leave me? I guess that I'd like that. Will you say that I'm your boy, but let's go inside now? Far away from the snow and the cold, we'll watch for the new plow. Suddenly when I'm eighteen and she breaks my heart again, will you tell me that 'It's okay. Sometimes that's how these things end'? Will you tell me that it's alright, I shouldn't worry? 'Cause, no matter what happens, I'll know that you'll never leave me? I guess that I'd like that. Will you tell me that it's alright, I shouldn't worry? 'Cause, no matter what happens, I'll know that you'll never leave me? I guess that I'd like that. I guess that I'd like that. I guess that I'd like that."

about

Though the letter below may not necessarily apply anymore, I think its sentiment still stands. Recording this album was a cathartic process for me. My dad often spoke of how much it meant to him. It's nice to get a message every once in awhile and see that people are still listening. As I said when I wrote the album, "I wanted to make it public so that I'd know that other people are thinking of my family and are thinking of him. I'll feel better knowing that."

Thank you for listening. It has meant and will mean a lot.


When the album was first released, it was accompanied by this letter:

"Dear Listener,

In the fall of 2013, I learned that my father had been diagnosed with lung cancer. While I was home visiting, he mentioned in passing that he missed hearing me practice. With the help of a friend, I recorded a ten-track album as a gift to him. At his suggestion, that album has now been released publicly.

"Sweet Sounds for Tired Eyes" is by far the most intimate thing I have recorded. More so than any other material I've written, these songs served as a catharsis, a way for me to focus my energy into something creative when so much seemed beyond control. Not only that, but the recording process itself was simple and unpolished. All songs were recorded live. I just sat at Derek's table and played a set. I didn't want my dad to hear this and think, "So that's what my son sounds like with a full band and production." I wanted him to listen and think, "Yes, that's how it sounds when I sit on the porch, reading my book, and I hear him practicing." It is an album I felt like I had to write. I'm content to have it finished. My father is happy to hear it. Now, I hope that it can help someone else in the way that it helped us.

On the one hand, I decided to release this publicly so that I'd have the opportunity to continue this as a gift for my father. On the other hand, I wanted to make it public so that I'd know that other people are thinking of my family and are thinking of him. I'll feel better knowing that.

With that in mind, I will be happy to share any messages that are sent with my family and I appreciate you sending this along to people you think might enjoy it, or might get something out of hearing it.

Thank you for listening.

- Tom"

credits

released April 10, 2014

All songs were written and performed by Tom Campbell.
"Sweet Sounds for Tired Eyes" was recorded and mixed by Derek DeBellis in his living room and kitchen in Burlington, Vermont.
Mastered by Derek DeBellis and Tom Campbell.
Thank you to Elias Klemperer for his drumming on "Short, Internal Rhythms."

Cover photo of Dennis and Patricia Campbell taken in June, 1974, on Cape Cod, by their friend, Mary. Cover design by Tom Campbell.

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